


bagsy not in net

by tumemxnques



Category: The 1975 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumemxnques/pseuds/tumemxnques
Summary: when george calls, matty doesn't wanna pick up.
Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	bagsy not in net

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!
> 
> suicidal thoughts  
> depression  
> drug use
> 
> //
> 
> with that being said, welcome back to another episode of me writing sad matty x george fanfic. bagsy not in net is probably my fav song from notes and the line 'do you wanna leave at the same time' to me sounds like asking to end things together, i don't know. this fic is extremely dark, but i tried to lighten it up a little at the end.
> 
> the quote 'in another life perhaps, you and i' is from cassandra clare.
> 
> EDIT
> 
> so after listening to the song again and revisiting the genius page for this song, i realized the lyrics were wrong. i apologize for that, i just took them the way they were on genius last night and wrote a fitting story. it's kinda frustrating right now, but i hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.

**Do you feel it? It started when you call me**

It's dark and cold in his room when his phone starts to vibrate on his nightstand. He groans and massages his temples as he rolls over. He should probably get up and close the window, because the wind is biting cold. He huffs as he grabs his phone and squints at the brightness of the screen.  _ George,  _ it says, and Matty sighs as he closes his eyes and falls back into his pillows again. He's not quite in the mood to talk to his best friend, so he debates on whether or not to pick up. When the annoying ringing doesn't stop, Matty growls before he hits accept. 

**I'm dealing, and then I'm really lonely**

"Hey," George mumbles. "Thought I'd check up on you." Matty rolls his eyes. "I was about to fall asleep, you prick." George let's out a shaky breath. "Oh. Sorry." Matty sits up in his bed. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?" He knows what it is, he knows why George is checking up on him. "Nah," George says, and Matty feels he's lying. George has always been a terrible liar. "Yes, I did a line or two. Stop acting like you're calling for anything else than that." Silence. He can't see that George is struggling to keep his tears at bay. "I'm dealing with it, okay? It'll be fine."  _ I'm just so lonely,  _ is what he doesn't say out loud. 

**Trying, I like it**

"I'm just trying to help, Matty," George whimpers and Matty scoffs. "I get it, George, I do. But you have to understand that trying to save me isn't automatically succeeding. I need to get through this alone. Just stop being a bitch about this all the fucking time. Leave it." 

**Leave me, this pain I feel, so violent**

"I-," George starts, but Matty cuts him off. He has a headache, his nose burns and he just wants to get some sleep. And finally close this goddamn window. "Leave me alone, George. The times when you were babysitting me are over. Get a new life. One where I'm not the center of it. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Nothing that you haven't done all the time anyway." It rips his heart to shreds as the hurtful words leave his mouth, it's like his lips are bleeding. George gasps. But Matty needs to say it out loud. He needs the pain to burn everything to ashes inside of him. He never wants to feel anything like what he has felt for George ever again. He doesn't think of the pain George has to feel when he hears these words. 

**Do you wanna leave at the same time?**

But neither hangs up. They just lay there in silence in their respective beds and cry. Matty doesn't know how long they've been lying there, but he needs to get something off his chest. "I want it to stop," he whispers. "I want to end this." 

**Do you wanna leave at the same time?**

"No, Matty," George answers, and the panic is evident in his trembling voice. "You are not doing that. You're staying. Right here. With me. You hear me?" Matty does, but his brain doesn't really register the meaning of George's words. All they do is float by. 

**Do you wanna leave at the same time?**

"I don't have the strength to do it alone," he whispers. "I don't wanna live up there alone. I want you by my side. Maybe then we can be together. 'In another life, perhaps, you and I.' I know you remember. Please. Let's end this together."

**I'm reeling, I know that I'm appalling**

He stumbles and falls when he tries to get to the window. To close it or to jump, he doesn't know. George's voice is soft, as he speaks again. "Matty. You're not thinking straight. Go to bed." Matty just laughs. He laughs hysterically, nothing of his once beautiful laugh left. George shivers. "Oh thank you, Georgie. I'm just a dirty junkie again now, right? Fuck you. Fuck you and all you stand for."

**But this feeling, it could be our calling**

**This feeling, it could be our calling**

George feels so helpless at the other end of the line. Ever since Matty has told him about his feelings, things have been going south. "You're acting like I'm crazy. You don't feel what I feel. This is the only way to end the pain." George shakes his head. "It's not. I'm just saying that the blow messes with your brain."

**Not dying (Nope!), just lying**

Matty's laughing again, but it turns into crying real quick. "It has always made you a liar," George whispered. "You're not dying on me, you're staying. I won't let these stupid drugs take you from me ever again, you hear me?"

**I see you, the moment, it's clear 'cause it's quiet**

Then, it's quiet. Matty still sits on the floor, his back leaning against the wall next to the window. It's still open. He's still crying. He closes his eyes and listens to George's even breathing. If he concentrates, it is as if he could reach out and touch him. His warm skin, his soft cheeks, his messy hair. It's quiet, except for the sound of the breathing and it feels like George is right next to him. 

**Do you wanna leave at the same time?**

"Okay, listen," George says under his breath after a while, careful not to startle Matty. "Let's meet up. If both of us step outside in three minutes, we'll be at the park in the exact same moment. We'll just have to leave at the same time." Matty sniffles. "'kay." He misses George and they need to talk about things. They're inseparable, goddamnit. They need to act like it, too. "Just stay on the phone with me, okay?" George begs. "Of course."

**Do you wanna leave at the same time?**

When Matty reaches the park, he catches sight of George immediately. Both of them take their phones from their ears and hang up. They slowly walk towards each other, not daring to look away. They're halfway there, when Matty bursts into tears. His eyes still don't leave George's. When they meet, they're so close that their chests are touching. Matty looks up at George and smiles through the tears. "We left at the same time," he whispers and George cracks a smile, too. "Yeah." He watches a trail of dark blood trickle out of Matty's nose. Neither wipes it away, they just continue to look at each other. Before Matty can say something, an apology of some sort, George's soft lips land on his own. He's surprised. It feels wonderful, but it's wrong. He softly pushes George away and shakes his head. "Don't do that to me when you don't feel the same way." George looks down at his feet in shame. "Sorry." When he looks at Matty again, he sees the blood collecting in the man's cupid's bow. He wipes it away with his thumb and then hugs Matty tight. "I'm so sorry," he sobs. Matty wraps his arms around him and sighs. "I'm sorry, too." When they break apart, George bites his lip. "How about heading back to mine?" His eyes are red, so is his nose. His cheeks are wet. They sparkle in the moonlight. "Share a bed. Not thinking anything into it. Nothing has changed for me, not really. So if you're comfortable-" Matty nods. "That'd be nice." George stops and nods, too. "Okay, yeah. Okay. Let's leave." He takes Matty's hand and they leave. Matty is glad that they're leaving together, after all. 

**_Do you wanna leave at the same time?_ **


End file.
